Platinum membership been used well this week. I am told when I call the leisure centre that it is part of 'Southampton's award winning leisure facilities'. Clearly the awards were handed out by Southampton City Council. Anyway, today and Wednesday found me swimming at the Quays, today in the ' leisure' pool with most of the rest of the citizens of Southampton. Nice.

Yesterday, and this is what I am here to tell you, I was, as usual, at Bitterne LC for the swimming pilgrimage. When changing afterwards - I have learnt to do the hair wash there and enlarge the council's carbon footprint rather than my own - I overheard a dad getting irate with his children who were not doing as they were told. When I heard their names, I felt that, frankly, he got what he deserved, ie if you are crazy enough to give your children those names you deserve every bit of disobedience they throw your way. They are probably unconsciously rebelling against the lot they have been given in life. Ready? Want to know what caused this tirade from me? OK... I can hardly bear to write them. Galaxy and Felix. There! Done! Did the guy get stuck on the 'x' grapheme and insist that his childrens names included an x? Maybe they have a Foxy and a Trixie as well. This is Bitterne! I felt like shouting over the wall to him - 'This is Bitterne, man! Home of nice, practical names like Ryan and Shannon, Dylan and Tyler and Calum and Jake. Jack, Kerry, I mean, almost anything, but not Galaxy and Felix.'

I didn't, of course. I am learning, from my homeopath and my nun (hey man, I am up for any alternative healing therapies going - hope I still have a job on Monday) that tolerance is a wonderful thing that I have little of. I get so angry at the world, at people who don't see the world the way I see it, at innocent strangers who were purely trying to inject a little cat food and chocolate into their lives when their children were born... hey, they are entitled to call their children Tarquin, Xanthe and live in Bitterne.