As I am being examined and catergorised by the NHS for my impending slice under the butchers knife, I have been spending longer than usual on buses and at hospitals. Which leads me to some thoughts.

First, I had a camera on a tube poked up my nose by a junior doctor who assured me she had had it done herself and it didn't hurt. Don't ever believe a doctor, I say. Interesting piece of humanity was the interaction I had with the nurse, who had been busy peeling bits of the last patient off the floor when I came in, but when it was my turn to be 'done' came over and offered her hand for me to hold. Isn't that amazing, how we need human skin to skin contact in times of stress (or when someone in authority has blatantly lied to us). And a stranger will do. Aren't we a weird bunch?

There are lots of posters and signs at the hospital, which is great for a environmental print junkie like me. This one I rather like: Duthie (Trust). I hope it means something to someone, cos it means nothing at all to me. It's like a cryptic crossword clue. Trust Duthie? Is it an imperative? Why should I? Who is she or he or it? Or is Duthie Greek for trust?

Another of my favourites goes something like this:

Want to Bleep 2282?

Want to know how?

Ring 2343, ext 554, then 9856.

Oh. Glad I asked. Will not bother next time and will just writhe in pain on the floor of the lift and hope someone notices eventually.

Anyhow, I found out that I may be a day surgery case, owing, I expect, to my amazing physical fitness, super low pulse (only just got one) and the fact that I will drive all the staff mad correcting typos on their signs if I stay in. Was looking forward to hospital food and cups of tea brought to me, will have to make the most of the opportunities I get, especially as have to fast from midnight the night before.

Buses, sadly, do not reap such picking for EPJ personality types ( Environmental print junkies). The same old adverts stay up for months at a time. I was on the number 10 for an hour getting there, and an hour back, resisting the temptation to hop off and on again in Shirley. Read the advert for Chlamydia so manytimes I know it off by heart.

I hear today a rumour that as well as knocking down Bitterne Bowl, Lord Bitterne is going to be putting a Woolworths and a New Look in its place. Its a poor swap, I know, for a bowling alley, but still, puts us on the map, retail wise, eh? What next? Waitrose? Gap? I wait expectantly for news of major retailers fighting to get a spot.